i'm on the verge of making a really drastic decision.

i'm thinking about changing my major.

i've been stressing out about my future career and the life that could satisfy me, and i think what it comes down to is that i'm just not meant to be a political science major.

that's so scary to say.. i haven't said it out loud yet.

i've known this truth for some time now: while i am fascinated by the study of political science, there is not a single career path the major leads to that i am remotely interested in or suited for.

and there are a lot of jobs out there that don't require any specific major, so i've been thinking i might as well just study what i enjoy for the hell of it. but this summer i hit on the career that reinforces something i've known about myself forever, but never pursued - i'd be really good at counseling. i'm fascinated by other people, their problems make a lot more sense to me than my own, and i can give good advice.

so i'm thinking...

i should be a psychology major.

and get my graduate degree in counseling.

and be a guidance counselor.

i'm not sure why, but this pretty much scares the crap out of me. well, it's easy to see why - starting completely over, changing every idea i (n)ever had about my future. but i think the real reason why is i keep hearing one of the many things benjamin said to me that i will never forget - he dared me to keep one major or minor or plan or anything for more than a year and stick with it. i'm afraid that i can't.

and it's really stupid that i still feel so transparent to someone i haven't spoken to in over eight months.

anyway i have no idea what the hell i'm doing, which is nothing new. any advice or admonishing for my transient mindset would be most appreciated.

part two, inspiration for a gender studies minor, at a later date.

'i don't ever wanna be happy again,' that's what you told me. but what i never told you is you'll never be, 'cause you're never blue.
Matt Keating