one of my coworkers said something the other day, and i realized it was true the instant i heard it. something along the lines of, 'once you realize there's no way you're going to get out of doing this stupid shit, somehow you just do it.' yes, my friends, i've resigned myself to my job. and since the moment i accepted my month-long fate, i realized that it's not all that bad.

both of the last two days i've worked nine hours straight with one ten minute break. and these two days have been infinitely better than the previous five regularly-paced days. why? i don't know, a simple acceptance. and some humility thrown in there. because you know what, my dad worked full time year-round to put himself through school. my mom does this shit year round to this day and doesn't have much of a choice about it. so if i can get away with doing this only during winter and summer breaks, i should feel lucky. and if i have the potential to be the first person in my family to get an advanced degree, i should feel immensely humbled and grateful. so i am more than a little embarrassed about my recent complaining. i already have more than i'm entitled to; how dare i complain about it?

and even if my main complaint was that this month was antithetical to personal growth? no credibility there whatsoever. your situation doesn't cause you to grow, doesn't give you existential freedom. it's what you do with your situation. this month is only stagnation and regression if i allow it to be. and i won't. i'm going to do the best i can at my job, earn some people's respect and the money to pay for my own education. i'm going to enjoy my time with my family and make their days a little happier. i'm going to make the most of every day, because that's all i can do. complaining is all that really keeps me down.

it's not something that comes naturally, but i've got to develop some sense of perspective.

maybe, I need to see the daylight, to leave behind this half-life. don't you see I'm breaking down...

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The individualist: The introspective, romantic type. Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.