i'm going to work tomorrow, and after that i'm going to come out of hiding and i'm going to rock a lot harder.

i'm going to write a gender in the workplace paper,

i'm going to mail all my ebay wares,

i'm going to write to my friends, delinquent as i have been,

and, as i have been in withdrawal for the past 36 hours, i'm going to write a harry potter fan fiction story. yeah. don't laugh. (until you read it ;)

when i say green, i mean i've been wearing metallic aquamarine eyeshadow,

and i painted my toenails a similar color,

and my mom thinks this means i'm going to start shaving soon,

not realizing they are very different issues.

i feel like i've changed a lot this summer. i don't know if it's good or bad. i'm just glad it's been going quickly.

i don't want to wish any of my life away -

and i know you don't love me anymore -

but i feel pretty hopeful.

and i feel it has to be said, this might be among the top ten things anyone's ever said to me:

i think that the only thing that can make the thoughts of death fade is faith, be it in yourself, your place in the universe, or your god. i guess that it is probably easier for a believer, but, then, you did not choose your path because it was easy. i do hope that you find the answers you seek.

because it doesn't coddle me and it doesn't advise me exactly, it just understands so much. jason, you are so wise. we are all looking for the same thing, on our own paths... yes, so yes.

yes.

call me la lauren. i wear a happy humanist, i'll have toe rings and anklets. i wear toenail polish but don't shave my legs. i'll have several tattoos and modest piercings. i have a good relationship with my parents. i'll be a good student. i'll write mediocre fan fiction. i finished a whole crossword puzzle today. my hair will be long and dyed unnatural shades of red. i want to run a marathon. i'll learn my guitar. i'll speak fluent spanish and dutch. i'll be that girl. i don't shop at wal*mart and i will be a vegan. you can't sum me up in bumper stickers but i love them anyhow. death bothers me but i love everyone. i'm defining a new way to love and i'll find a person to do it with.

yes. i'm going to work tomorrow, and after that.

understand the things i say, don't turn away from me. 'cause i spent half my life out there, you wouldn't disagree. do you see me, do you see, do you like me, do you like me standing there? do you notice, do you know, do you see me, do you see me? does anyone care?
cranberries