i hate routine. i hate the small town i go to school in and i hate the small town i'm going back to this weekend. i hate most of the people i'm surrounded with. i hate their small-mindedness and refusal to grow. i hate homework assignments and long readings when i could learn so much more from a conversation with my friends or a book of my choice. when you really examine it, i hate the vast majority of my life. moments of infinity are hard to come by. that's all true.

but i chose this life. i am still choosing it. at any moment, at my will, i could choose differently. yes, i am forced to participate in daily trivialities with obnoxious people in a stifling environment, but i chose to be forced. all things considered, this is the best possible life for me right now, with the best rewards and the best prospects. i do not choose differently because this is the best (for me - right now). any other reason would be asinine, but as it is - yes.

so i'm not going to complain about a situation i wouldn't really change. well, yes, i will complain about it; but i resolve not to let it throw me into a deep depression, i will not spend my time longing for a now that either cannot exist or i know is not preferable, nor for a future which is going to happen anyhow. if i long for a now that can exist and is preferable, i will seize it. it is as simple as that.

let's remember who's in charge here. my situation does not control me. i chose it. i am still choosing it. and for that, i love it.

when i chose to live, there was no joy; it's just a line i crossed.
dar williams