why does it take a movie, a book, another person to make me really think.

(is that the way it is, or am i deficient.)

what if we don't die. what when we do.

what if this is hell already.

how come as soon as i write i won't do something, i've done it.

if matter cannot even be created or destroyed, then how the hell can existence.

if i exist (i think i do)... won't i always.

are these just things we need to tell ourselves.

i think buddhism and catholicism can be simultaneously correct, not just as a way for my aunt and uncle to maintain a happy marriage.

it's all right. and wrong. it is and it isn't.

this is stupid.

i am small.

do words create everything. i think they do.

but i don't want to always exist as lauren. or lauren who did x, y and z great things.

i want to exist.

why will i write something pointless tomorrow.

why did i stop having things to say.

if you're aware you exist, you do.