so after a month of longing both desperate and patient, i am finally back in marietta. and it's not anticlimatic.. i'm just apprehensive, i guess.

i've set a litany of goals for myself this semester. you know, to become the model student who does all her reading and never pulls an all-nighter, to become a vegetarian if not a strict vegan, to start running again, and to pick up guitar and dutch when i find the time. as much as i couldn't wait to get back here, about forty miles away on the drive in, utter dread set in.

i am an all-or-nothing person. i know that. i set sweeping goals for myself and if things are not perfect right away i give up. which is probably the best way to never get anything accomplished, ever. i know the gradual approach is vastly superior, but my habits are deeply ingrained. so it occurs to me, i'm trying to improve myself on many fronts, which is not a bad thing by any means. but i'm terrified of the hugeness of it. and i'm afraid i will burn out, i will give up.

luckily, i have a huge support group here. all my friends need to kick the procrastination habit, and we've devised plans to keep each other in line. jules and lani are also working on the vegetarian/vegan thing, and jules and i have talked about working out together. if i keep things in perspective and set short-term goals as well, i should be fine. i will be fine. i'm just not used to all this structure and rigor.

but it's just a matter of forming new habits, right? and i've proved a talent for that...

speaking of jules, she is back and even has a new diary! it is so good to have her back. she adds a lot to the group dynamic and i've missed her a lot over the last year. it will be a lot of fun getting to know her all over again! (could i have said 'a lot' more in two sentences?) and obviously i have nothing to complain about surrounded as i am with all my best buds. my family is great, but i can really only be fully myself around these guys. of course, they are 90% of the reason i never get a good night of sleep, but as lani said, we're making enough changes; ever sleeping well doesn't have to be one of them.

one way or another, this semester ought to be... interesting.

i never change, i never will. i'm so afraid, the way i feel...