i think there's this understanding between my old friends that our new college friends are where our loyalties and hearts now lie - and then there are others of us who did not find a place to belong, who are transferring back home, and who need the old group now more than ever. i think that's the cause of the strange dynamic between us...

either that or i insist on reading too much into things. either way, i feel somehow far away from them, but all the same i'm having a blast with them. there's a comfort in old friends, even once you feel you've left them in the past.

the other strange thing is, a few people who were members of the group are not anymore, booted out for treasons i don't completely understand. i've often felt these friends of mine were very fickle... there were many times in high school i felt on the outside. but so far, i'm still invited. whatever. this still seems so much like 9th grade to me sometimes.

i'm having another one of those silly career crisis periods again. it's become clear to me over the past year that while i love the study of political science, i'm not predisposed to any of the practical career paths the major leads to. i'm too passive to do campaigns or staff jobs; i'm too [insert applicable personality trait] to do a bureaucratic desk job. i couldn't be a lawyer. i couldn't go into business. so what, then? if i'm completely honest with myself, i'm not going to grad school, at least not right out of marietta. this is where shawn will yell at me and tell me yes, somehow i will, but really, no - at the least, i'm going to have to work for a few years. i wish some sort of work really appealed to me - i wish i felt like i had a calling. i want to help people, i want to make a difference somehow. and i do like to have things figured out! lately i've been thinking about doing something with spanish, maybe teaching english as a foreign language. i really have no idea what sort of opportunities exist there. and it's all going to depend how well i take to the subject again next year. so i guess i wait and see some more.

he says, What do you love to do? Outside your world, Who spends timewith you? Whom do you love when you're not working, Sweet Girl?
fleetwood mac