i started reading inga muscio's cunt tonight. sitting indian-style, book in my lap, realizing twenty pages in i had been holding it oh-so-near my own cunt the entire time.

i mean to read the entire thing in that position, but i didn't want to buy it from borders, as enticing as their buy-three-paperbacks/get-a-fourth-free!! deal was.

i'm trying to avoid those brainwashing, patriarchal corporations that indirectly control 90% of the country's grain supply.

and i'm not trying to be vegan, exactly, but i'm cutting out animal products wherever possible, so i ordered a snapple rather than a smoothie, saving a buck and my conscience, while dividing my money between two large companies. although snapple seems appropriately bobo.

and i'm trying to see the beauty and harmony in the world, something that inspires me when i let it whether i believe it came about by chance or divine will.

and i'm trying to see the potential and worth in every person i come across, because it makes me happier.

if i should have been born in any other age, it would be the age of reason. i would have married thomas paine and convinced him to write with more gender-inclusive language.

i want to be known as the polite atheist driver.

and i want to be known as the girl who says hello and goodnight to everyone.

i decided 11am is my favorite hour, because it doesn't belong to the morning or afternoon. unlike any other hour, it seems to be its own entity.

my mom is convinced i would shave my legs for a man if he asked me to. she is convinced this is a temporary college thing. she thinks i'm funny, and she thinks i'm retarded. but i remained calm through my explanations and appeals, and now i don't care what she tells her work buddies. and that's progress.

i think marķett@ college might be trying to completely fuck me. i'm not sure if $1500 is it, or that's $1500 on top of everything else. i've been avoiding the thought of not going back next fall.

everything is okay.

i'm in the middle of three (actually five, or six really) books right now. i must return to one.

(good to know: 'vagina' means 'sheath for a sword.' to quote ingalagringa, 'ain't got no vagina.'

i want to be known as a word cunt.)

there's this burning like there's always been. i've never felt so alone, and i've never felt so alive.
Third Eye Blind