i have been absorbed in music lately.

the jason mraz, liz phair & sondre lerche concert was nothing short of amazing.

where i normally avoid my local adult alternative station on the weekends, this weekend i caught a mississipi delta blues program, the german and spanish programs, and acoustic cafe. and i loved every minute of it.

yesterday a nature-lovin' hippie dude played acoustic guitar at borders.

and tonight it's john mayer and counting crows.

and my guitar is sitting in a box ready to be taken to the post office.

stupid as this is, i'm about to cry over this. it's like i'm losing something, though i've only picked up the guitar three or four times. though i spent way too much on it to leave it collecting dust in the corner. though i wouldn't have the chance to learn for at least a year, between my upcoming semester from hell and spring in the netherlands.

i want to be a musician.

and i can see it so clearly right now... owning a little coffee house in a small college town, teaching or doing something with my languages, living in a small but very cool apartment with my homegirl or someone almost as wonderful, and playing acoustic guitar once a week on my own little stage.

yes. i want that.

but i can use the $200 now, so that's on hold for a while. on hold, but not over.

for now, i'll just let myself be absorbed every chance i get.

(for any of my regular correspondents, the name is bla la la lauren, not chicabotica.)