i'm way overdue for an update, and my adventure was probably too long ago now to speak of it philosophically. so just a few reflections...

the day wasn't all i'd hoped, because i came for solitude and instead found tour group after tour group. it's a little hard to find inner peace while people are screaming and laughing, so that was frustrating for me. the deeper i got into the woods the fewer people there were, but instead of finding tranquility this adventurous mood swept over me. not what i expected, but i sure went with it. i ran through the woods, fell down, went off the beaten path, got soaked to the waist. it was awesome and humbling, and i certainly can't do it justice here. i guess it will remain a private moment in my head, a little secret i share with the road and the trees. suffice it to say, it was one of the coolest experiences i've ever had and i can't wait to go back.

i had an expectation, or i guess more of a hope, of how people would react to my adventure. my friends understood and appreciated it for what it was, but no one else did - i guess that's typical. to everyone else, it was first dangerous and second strange. when i arrived at my house my mom was outside talking to our next-door neighbor ed, bible thumper incarnate, you know, the kind of benevolent old man who puts 'elect jesus as your lord' signs in his yard. (gag.) all he could say was 'you kids think you're invincible. you should never go anywhere alone.' i humored him. but the truth is, i am invincible. or if i'm not, i'm going to learn it the hard way. i won't acquiesce, i won't accept that there are things i cannot do if i really want to. no one's going to hurt me. i'm lauren. i've got a car and i can do anything.

the more i learn what the world has the power to do to me, the more i retreat into my own world and think, no you won't, biznatch.

everywhere i'm confronted with the truth. i've seen no evidence to convince me that people don't have to be broken of this idealism and grow up. the giving tree, rebel without a cause. they're all sad stories. they all grow up. but not me, man. somehow, i'll be different...

you'd like to think you're invincible - yeah well weren't we all once, before we felt lost for the first time?
dashboard confessional