i've started to feel like lately i may have sounded a little more militant feminist/anti-male than i intended. so, whether this was the impression you've formed of me or not, i thought it would be worthwhile to re-re-redefine my idea of the ideal relationship.

(if nothing else, so it doesn't seem such a contradiction that i listen to love songs and that my heart breaks for evil movies like the remains of the day.)

i do believe in love - in the abstract. when i make audacious claims like 'i don't believe in love!' i mean the general idea of love, in concept and in practice. i reject the 'love' society has shown me and i accept that my ideal is likely unattainable. so perhaps that does amount to not believing in love at all.. i don't know.

the love i see in the world is synonymous with control. after the initial period of bliss, love is a power struggle. love deteriorates into a messy fight over time, money, beliefs, you name it. once the fighting ends, you're essentially friends, roommates. no one else should have a say in where i spend my time, who i spend it with, what i use my money on, where i should go on holidays, what i do with my body. don't think i'm suggesting all relationships are abusive and all partners are domineering. i'm talking about things like joint checking accounts. i don't want it. it's my life... mine.

besides that - or, really, because of that - i don't believe that feelings as strong as romantic love ought to be can be sustained over the course of a life. we can't help it; we're human. we're fickle humans with short attention spans. and i certainly don't want to promise the rest of my life to someone when i know i won't be able to stand the sight of them in ten years.

and if any of these things are true, though love is great - why would anyone ever get married, if they know they can make it on their own? marriage may bring some nice tax breaks, but really? what can you have through marriage that you can't have through long-term dating? why tie yourself down like that?

'what, then, is your ideal of love, you crazy rabid feminist?' you may ask. well, simply, it's friendship with sex. i know a lot of people might say that sounds good and perfectly in keeping with their love lives, but i mean that very literally. i mean real love has to have no strings attached. no jealousy, no possessiveness. you like to spend time together, just as you do with your other friends. you're committed, but give no promises. you have no shared property or money; you don't live together. you have fun, you have a warm relationship and a healthy outlook, you're friends first, you also have sex.

now if only i could find a man who would agree with all this, and still be a nice guy looking for a monogamous relationship with no desire for children. sound far-fetched to anyone else?

but i'm perfectly happy being single, and if i remained single the rest of my life i don't think i'd mind. because love among friends and family is something i definitely do believe in, and i have an overabundance of that.

In the original story, she doesn't get the guy, she doesn't live happily ever after; she loses her voice, her tail, her family and turns into sea foam.

if you'd do it anyway, why would you do it for love?
you want the ocean and not what he's giving you.
the story