wow, i haven't updated in forever. well, between the week from hell that included two back-to-back all-nighters, killing my keyboard and things i wasn't telling people yet, i really couldn't write. but now all my papers are done, lauren let me borrow her keyboard, and shawn and i are, as we like to say, 'out-of-the-closet heterosexuals.'

yeah, so all the cryptic entries and frustrated 'and the only thing that's really on my mind i can't talk about' remarks over the last couple months weren't referring to any deep dark secrets - just me liking shawn. we both felt the same way for a long time but were too afraid to say anything. everyone on campus saw it; both our parents said they had a feeling it would happen. we finally worked up the courage to do something about it... and i'm so glad we did.

i guess you're not going to get much details out of me here, because there are two of us involved in this, one very much opposed to the whole idea of diaryland. i think on at least this one issue i have to agree with him: if there's something i want him to know, i'll just tell him. but i did want to write that - some part of me really didn't think this would ever happen to me. and i was so scared of it that, even though i had wanted this to happen for such a long time, part of me really didn't want it. but i'm glad for once i didn't listen to that part, and i'm so glad for shawn and everything he is, because he understands me and i trust him and he felt the same way i did, so that after just a short time together, i'm really not afraid anymore. i'm not afraid of him. it just feels right. and i am - plainly, simply, genuinely - happy.

another amazing weekend with those people. a first embarrassing then wonderful dinner at olivers, cheryl's choir concert, gingerbread, telling people, missed sunrise, morning walk and nap, brilliant theater josh, pizza and kevin smith movies, miniature golf in hail storms, hot chocolate, lobby lounging and dude man. i need more days like these...

one week of finals and these days end for almost four months. it doesn't seem even remotely fair. but i'm not ready to think about that yet.

i'm not very worried about finals. they're all very spread out - econ wednesday, leadership friday, stats monday and poli sci tuesday. leadership is the only one i'm at all concerned about; we can use a note card filled with formulas for stats, and the other two aren't comprehensive. i just need to do well enough to keep the grades i have now in each of my classes. and anyway, after last week i don't think i could work up the strength to stress out over this. and with only a week left here, it's the last thing i care to do. i'm not going to blow them off by any means, but i'm really not worried at all.

so, there you have it. i'm just trying to cram as many good times into these last few days as i can to hold me over until next year. and next year will be amazing. i can't pretend the summer won't suck in many ways, but i'll have the memories to look back on and next year to look forward to. all in all, i can't imagine life gets any better than this.

i love you all.

it's a long way down to the place where we started from...
Sarah McLachlan