one of my mom's coworkers was murdered.

it seems that is the only language anyone has used to relate the information. short. blunt. 'sharon was murdered.' how else do you say it?

i knew her. not well. i've met her visiting my mom at work several times, talked to her on the phone. she came to my graduation party. she seemed like a nice lady. i know who she is, i know her face, but the loss is certainly not mine.

it's just the thought of it: sharon was murdered.

murdered.

i've never known anyone who was murdered before. the word sounds different to me now.

i've heard it on the news, i've heard all the horrific stories. but now, the world looks different to me.

egocentric as i am. egocentric as i am.

it only now hits me.

there isn't much information yet. the police aren't saying much. the detective told my mother after interviewing her: i can't tell you anything about the investigation, you understand. all i can say is, it was pretty bad.

it was pretty bad? asswipe.

it was a gruesome death. no sign of forced entry. maybe she was tortured. she had been corresponding with a man in a top-security penitentiary. her body was found when her neighbors reported her house was on fire.

you can't help but picture it.

you can't help but wonder how anyone could be so screwed up that they could brutally. murder. another human being.

i can't wrap my mind around death. i will never, ever understand this.

how does this change you? i don't think i'll lock my doors any more often. i don't think i'll be looking over my shoulder, under my car.

i think it's just this. i have been trying to believe all people are basically good.

now it's clear to me. all people are basically people. we choose good or evil. it's our choice, it's our right.

but it's not all right.