I can be overly sensitive. I can get a bit riled up. I know this. So instead of writing an angry diary entry alone, I consciously sought out friends tonight after reading, among other things:

35% of male college students say they might commit rape if there were no chance of being caught.
-What Counts: The Complete Harper's Index

One in four women can expect to be raped in their lifetime. But every woman is a victim of rape. If you are walking to your car in a dark parking lot and your heart skips a beat when you hear footsteps behind you, you are a victim of rape.

This is the world we live in. A world where all women, to varying extents, live in fear because of their sex. A world where a minority of men brutally enforce this fear, and a majority? feel it is their duty to protect.

We accept so much as 'the way things are'... please don't tell me there is no patriarchy.

My mom thinks I should take a bumper sticker off my car that reads 'I'll be post-feminist in the post-patriarchy.' She's afraid I'll be raped/assaulted for this statement. This isn't an offensive statement; it's not even an in-your-face statement. All it says is 'I am a feminist.' She thinks I should live in fear for that alone.

Maybe there is reason to...

Until maybe today, I probably would have told you that, while looks are not very important to me, one of my preferences is that a potential boyfriend be taller than me. This is what I mean, these are things we accept... I know this is my stupid prejudice, but most girls I've discussed this with have expressed the same preference. This is what we accept as correct, normal, this is what society tells us...

I don't want a man who is taller than me. Statistically, most potential boyfriends will be taller than me - but when did it get to be 'funny, kind, about my age, male, and taller than me'? I am not inherently passive. And passivity is not a female trait. The only thing that makes me female is my biology. The word is no more descriptive than that. I don't want a man who is taller than me.

So how far does it go? Sometimes I truly think it would be no more difficult for me to get over thinking I want to be with someone who is taller than me than it would be to get over thinking I want to be with someone who is biologically male.

I don't want children. So am I judging people based on reproductive compatibility?

The list needs to read something like 'funny, kind, about my age.' I want to love a human being with these qualities.

How far does it go? How brainwashed am I? Who told me that and why do I believe that? I have to keep asking myself.

Because I'm not attracted to the penis. I'm just saying. If not the penis and reproductive potential, then personality and a relationship of equality. That is all.

I am not my vagina. I am not these chemicals, I am not inherently female. I am Lauren. You are you. So how far does it go?

Do you know, it is easier for me to discuss Platonic ideals of lesbianism than the fact that I don't shave my legs. I believe homosexuality is more socially acceptable than the 'hirsute' lifestyle. Is it because us hairy girls have never had a movement? Is it because no one talks about it?

Or is it because you can treat lesbians as sex objects. And my legs and underarms are subverting your precious patriarchy.

We have to keep asking...

and i kept standing six feet one
instead of five feet two
and i loved my life
and i hated you
Liz Phair