i always find those '100-some things about me' entries daunting. i always want to do one, but then, are there 100 things about me? that anyone would be interested in? but lani has inspired me! so, interesting or not, here goes.

1. my name is lauren.

2. in the past i have disclosed my last name on this diary, as well as full names of other people i speak frankly about, which would make it very easy for anyone to find this. on some level i must want that.

3. i am a college sophomore.

4. at maríétt@ college, which appears to be a serene, friendly liberal arts school, but don't be fooled! entrepreneurs, leaders and aspiring petroleum engineers need only apply.

5. i am a resigned political science major and an enthusiastic gender studies minor.

6. i think i've said something just like that before.

7. i still will say i'm patriotic, but there is little in my country (my government) that inspires me anymore.

8. believe it or not, i became a political science major because i was inspired.

9. if i worked for the government, it would kill me. forget that.

10. gender studies is fascinating.

11. i like how no one can quite conceptualize what i mean when i say i'm a gender studies minor.

12. i want to go on to grad school and continue studying gender studies (..huh), probably feminist theory.

13. (not just because dhs said i'm becoming a feminist theorist.)

14. (though her saying that means the world to me.)

15. i want to be a perpetual student. i fear and hate the world of work more than anything else.

16. so perhaps i'll get my phd and teach this stuff.

17. or write for the feminist newspaper sojourner.

18. either way, the dream is to live in providence, ri (teaching at a nearby college or commuting to boston for my paper), preferably in a new socially unacceptable community with my best friends.

19. religiously, i classify myself as an agnostic. (i don't believe any organized religion has it right, but i do believe there's something.. something.)

20. i would be an existentialist, but i'm way too frightened of death.

21. still. but it used to consume my every thought.

22. (ever realize that at any moment something terrible and unexpected could happen and you could die? just making the decision to live is taking the chance of dying. and ever talking to anyone is taking your life into your own hands. scary.)

23. i'd say i'm a humanist. (i decided that writing the failed problem of pain paper.)

24. i'm a cat person.

25. i often use movies and books and other people as a way of understanding myself.

26. (it seems like there's something wrong with that - shouldn't i just be myself, relative to no one else?)

27. i am an aspiring vegan. but i'm now allowing myself to eat dairy products without a guilty conscience.

28. (am i being practical, or just pushing things off to the future once again?)

29. i really want to learn to play the guitar.

30. coffee house musicians inspire me, and remind me of what i've lost. no, given up.

31. playing the clarinet used to be a huge part of my life. they used to tell me i could play professionally...

32. though i say i have no regrets, i think about the road not taken a lot.

33. my favorite book is catch-22. and everyone should read the little prince. and now add to that the hours, because again i like to pretend i'm them.

34. my favorite movie is the american president and my favorite tv show is still the west wing (inspiration, see).

35. (i hope i'm not a political science major only because of aaron sorkin.)

36. i listen to 'wussy weenie rock.'

37. my music is better than yours.

38. i act superior in a lot of ways. i don't know where i get that from.

39. i hope i'm always changing, yet my biggest fear is forgetting who i am today.

40. i still write letters to an old friend that will never be read.

41. i can walk away from people and feelings far too easily.

42. washington, dc still inspires me. i'm not sure why.

43. i am a liberal democrat.

44. i wish i had a candidate i could believe in.

45. i want to study abroad in the netherlands next spring.

46. i'm trying to teach myself dutch with an unrealistic goal of becoming fluent by the time i go.

47. does anyone else have incredibly stupid and overly romantic dreams about meeting the love of your life in another country?

48. for all my cynicism, practicality and reason, i am still one of the girliest and sentimental people i know.

49. i think i like being a contradiction.

50. i drive a white '92 mustang.

51. it looks nothing like a mustang, but i love him anyway. his name is 'tang.

52. i hope i never stop naming cars.

53. sometimes i have an uncontrollable urge to get in the car and drive. i need to assert my freedom. sometimes it's the only thing that helps.

54. i am afraid of domesticity.

55. i don't think i'll ever marry.

56. i'm almost positive i won't have kids.

57. but one still has those feelings, you know?

58. i tend to remember things differently than they actually were. maybe that's why i have trouble letting go.

59. can you really trust your memories? because, who really put them there?

60. i don't really believe them, but i like to think crazy thoughts about the reality of the world and the mind.

61. 'one possibility out of many' is one of my favorite phrases.

62. i'm not close to my family.

63. except my mom, but sometimes i can't stand her.

64. i'm an aunt. (i think that could be enough to satisfy my child-longing.)

65. i'm 20 and that scares me.

66. i don't know why a number, an age, an arbitrary length of time can throw me off so much.

67. i will never be old.

68. sometimes my hair still puts me in a bad mood.

69. i don't wear makeup or nail polish or jewelry.

70. but i wish i had a silver claddagh ring with an emerald in the center. that would be my only extravagance.

71. i don't shave my legs.

72. my sister (and others, i'm sure) thinks that's the most disgusting thing in the world.

73. men have hairy legs! women have hair on their arms! how is it different? honestly, i don't understand how society got this way.

74. i'm incredibly emotional.

75. i discount people's intelligence over matters like spelling proficiency. but i think that's valid.

76. i say i'd do just about anything for money, but money doesn't matter to me in the least.

77. i'm absolutely shameless.

78. i'm happily single.

79. i need a romantic partner who is a friend to the nth degree.

80. 'cause kissing's not all that great, sex is sex.. i want a connection.

81. i long for things that are unrealisitic.

82. it's very difficult for me to make a friend.

83. i dislike most people.

84. shy people intimidate me. outgoing ones are easier to talk to.

85. i like nerds.

86. i hope i don't discount other types too easily.

87. i think it is possible that i could love a woman, though i've never been attracted to one.

88. most people are probably annoyed by my gender-is-an-illusion ranting.

89. the sky is one of the most awesome things... it can change my mood instantly.

90. i wish i could say i was in touch with nature.

91. i'm afraid of bugs, but i resolve never to sentence one to its death again.

92. i find myself wanting to cut and paste a lot of what lani said here. it is uncanny sometimes - we do share a brain.

93. my close friends mean the world to me. perhaps they are the one thing i couldn't live without, that i could never just walk away from.

94. i believe every little thing that happens, whether you see it or not, influences who we become.

95. i believe in blank slate. that was the first philosophical idea i ever accepted.

96. i am very open-minded, but i'm prejudiced against the prejudiced.

97. the only concerts i've ever been to are yanni and mandy patinkin. i'm cool!

98. i think i am more comfortable in my own skin than i've ever been before.

99. i'm left-handed.

100. i'm still afraid of everything.

101. but i don't just hide it better.

102. it was surprisingly easy to write 100 or so things about myself, but pretty random.

103. and look! one more than lani! ;P