As we say, this is going to be so random.

Yesterday as we were packing the dragonfly nets up in the van, my zoology professor said to me, 'Lauren, when we get back to campus, you're going to pick up a change of major form. You're going to be a biology major.'

He said I'm a natural because as we were walking back, carrying all the various nets and equipment, he said 'There's a dragonfly now,' and I dropped everything but my net and I was on the hunt.

No, I am certainly not considering a change of major, or even another course in the sciences. But I must admit that zoology is by far my favorite course this semester. I don't want to stop the hunt when the course is over.

As far as my major goes, I am going to stick it out with political science. Because I can take both theory courses and Women and U.S. politics next year, all three of which I would probably take anyway. So there's that.

I've been freaking myself out this week over grad school and the thought of actually being in Europe. Suddenly everything seems right upon me.

I've been overly emotional all day. I was reading a couple different ideas about patriarchy and it's implications at work today and almost started crying. I don't know why. Just thinking how far it goes, how much no one cares, and how much I still lapse into unconsciousness. And then I forewent lunch to watch The West Wing - the season two premiere where POTUS is shot and all he cares about is finding his daughter and getting Butterfield's hand taken care of, and the look on Toby's face when he finds Josh, and the palpable fear of the whole crew. So I was bawling. Aaron Sorkin is so masterful, so manipulative.

But then, even that show does nothing but reinforce patriarchal values. C.J. is a strong woman, but she is the only one who consistently screws things up, and men have to clean up her messes. And the scene in "Five Votes Down" where she and Mandy are going nuts over Chinese food. And the fact that Sorkin has to write lines like "I just can't get over these women..." - I suppose it's complimentary? But none of these women need Jed Bartlet, Leo or Josh to tell them how kickass awesome they are.

So you see how easily I become completely obsessed with this television show again. You know, it is at least half the reason I am a political science major at all. I wanted to be C.J., and I wanted to love Toby. And I wanted to be a part of that amazing group and I wanted Jed Bartlet to be my president and I wanted to do something meaningful. Now I watch that show and I wonder, in 60-minute intervals, how I ever became so cynical. But then I remember there are no Bartlets, the good guys don't win if they exist at all, and it only looks fun because Sorkin writes it thus. It makes me long - a little - for the feelings I had in high school. But not really.

I adore Strong Bad.

I can't wait to be abroad. I can't wait to be a lot of things. I keep putting things off, I keep hating what I'm doing now, but I think it's good for me to be leaving January 1.

I have been inexcusably bipolar this week. I've been letting myself down, and everyone has been annoying me. But I'll get over it. My dalliance in humanism may have failed. But I've still got everything else. Which is a lot.

Someday I will stop writing pointlessly bad entries. That day will rock. Yeah.

I wish you believed in life
believed in fate
believed you were lucky
and worth the wait
'cause life could be lovely
oh life could be fucking great