Lani:> Um..Lauren wants me to write drunk diary entries. I don't know what to say.

'It's more fun that way!'

I keep correcting myself.

< lauren: becvuadr really she type worse when dsshe drunkl see how I don't correscts my selof:?

>laniL: I'm suppose to do better. I just only missed up that suppose back there. I'm so used to using back spaces that I can't remember how to write badlyEennjbn that was correct, but I think my ekys are skicy. Cracp. dIdon't meantobe Noth e space keyw will not work. You won't believe me because I am in fact inebriated, but it's the truth. Bah!

Josh > Hey_something circley just went all over this screen and then something_Cirque de Solleil rocks at evertytning. Coincidental;ly, so does Laruen Brayeyehyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyyeye. Yeah, I speelled it wrong and I'ma fuckabbeee because my pinky mioved back a space bak there tha it did it again and I'm being tnogue lashed . IOt's such a habit, though, pincky backspacing for cdorrectionh s in Koraea but that's south LKorea ebcause they are not horrifically totalitarian. Nukes for fro toahndtariats.

Lsuren: oh ther's a butt say sjosh. I'm the only one who know how nt tp use space par. I mean backspace. Lolo. That'sa what emma calls me. When she sober. Cause yuou know, she be thw. Josh ask me to skto p butting it up. I just sthand her e he biutt abagaonst me. I thie only one who is honest abou backspace.is her house a time/ so postgmoerdern be we. I just lied there.

Lani> Josh quotes Quendolyn Brooks now, with a G. He sais (says) 'we be cool' though I think he means "we real cool_we skip school" that poem. Lauren pokes my pizza. Not dirty, just a literal translation. Ooh..she pokes me. She says I'm not funny. Lauren is the greatest, that girl. She sings like the people on SNL with the opera singers and the pop songs. I'm eating a piece of olive pizza badly. Meaning, messily. I still type correctly, though, which is a serious one-up on my friends who I love. Josh says: "I will not kiss you until you pee!" in a fictional account of a some-day utterance. There are only 3 underlined red squigglies in my paragraph_one is Quendolyn, one is "sais," one is Ooh..she because I only used 2 dots like I always do. Squigglies just popped up a red line, too. *sigh* Ok, Lauren speaks random syllables and I giggle. That's my cue to laugh at her 'stuck in crab soccer position' utterance. And to go now, to the party. Which is not a party, just a small get-together when we have the fun.

Lauiren> lainio wants new alcohonl. She thin mk she smart cause she can usebackspace and more than one verb tesne. I think not. No ideed. It is nict joszh. Tell him his shirt be nice.

dJosh:> noo Noo> this is my new starging tword and I can't use the backspace because the NZIA oh you should read that NAZI bitch is watching everybody einlcuding moi!Q Oh theat 's a Q

Qis the wthout a doubt, the hottoest memebr of the Next Generation cast and there isno doutb about that! Jean Luke piard that's not it Picard is definitely a run for my money. I need to drinka nd that's about all the hotness for you you dirty little monkieees!!!!!!

Aluauren: u jus t I just want to say that beverly crusher be hot too, as weel as captain kathryn janeay, and maynmy other middle aged hot women. I only really love middle aged hot women. That's the truth. Tryly. Yup.

Lani > Lauren, yeah, that girl is crazed. I need to IM Cullen and/or Ryan about tomorrow's nonalcoholic shindig, so I'm off.

Lauren > I be a drunk diary angtry wohore. Hmm. That all I got, willis.

Josh:> oh yes I got soalt all over my self ofh yes lauren come over here comeover here and lick this salt off ovf me.

Strong bacdL:: come on get in my boat fidsh fish!

Lani go: that was lound and I am sorry but I just own all the blue ones uf!

Comprehemsiveble1q@! combrehensiblrd! Oh so definsivbele not a bit reprenhensible I can t spell chicao be ruling.

Josh> And hwere I am again_I gave in at poker and yet they play on_THESE ARE FOR YOU !!!!!! Think Japanesse warlofd. Heay. Warlord
Scissors are for losers and my chips are no longer mine and who the HELL WOULD MIX MILK WITH LIQUOR!?!?!?!?! VODKA AND SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHitTTTTTTTTTT. Yeah. Wonderloand and I believe in miracles aaaaaaayou sexy gthinagng.

Hey, yo. It's lani. With a capital L. I'm still honestly typing pretty correctly, though I really am feeling quite..well, drunk. Part of me is still embarrassed by the prospect, but I am 22 and I am in my last year in this crazed institution of the stars, so why should I not revel? Andy Garcia is hot, can I say that? Especially in Dead Again. Watch it, yo, you'll swoon. In any case, I'm going to go get some water from the unoccupied bathroom. Love.

Lauren:> she be abusing de space I mean backspace! Biotch. E be watching dead again rules alol over the place. Emma thompson be my wo=man and I loves her. Yes? No indeed. I didn't mean that, just that I likes how she say that. Whatchu talking bout willis? Be real wich me.

Lani: Right, so the auction guy recognizes her. I get it. <- It's a couple minutes later and I barely remember saying that. Or typing it. Rarement comes to mind. De temps en temps does too. I'm in French101 and I like it. Not sexually, of course, though I find French to be a wonderfully beautiful language. I'm going to stop typing and get back to the movie. Andy Garcia, you know. Love. I mean it. Sometimes.

Lauren: sewiously, emma be hot. Lankety man. Friendship. The one I thought was hot. Yeah he does. He cut his hair and moved it balc,. Back. (I be trabscribing lani et djosh) he's delectable. I know that word even whe I drunk. I also know that's this is the dvd remote and this is the tev remote. Haha I could never be drunk in from tn of everyobyd elee but not you this is my bear poker chip get in my pkew pile chips chips!@ almost partioric bleua and some other d collor sumuggelwe what's a smuggle that's frightening I'm frightenting I wearing pink I'll be a good pholbbit I can'taki baselball tyo be medcaude you're ghot shake a turltle? Did you just jacka a turlte:

Just tlauren: stenrve tyler changed raped to jacked for the censors

Returned to regulatr typel prlgrammin: shake shalke skake you're turltle

Not little babieds just_ too mushch to remember while yeah

Lauren I beight fering kto josh off the wall humor? I fused. Um. Right.

Lano> Now, I'll transcribe the other two (being Josh and Lauren). Go, friends. "that kid, like, if he could just problems be solved." "no, you're missing shopkeeper form" Yeah, but they'd be younger. Oh, woops! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry (the sorries are Lauren). Those are some pretty sexy scissors (also Lauren). They want to snip kenneth and emma. Lauren has fallen in love with women she wants to be. Josh has fallen in love with women Lauren wants to be. They sing the f* song from Kevin smith. I censor the word. Snoogans! They don't believe me. It's snoogans. They think I'm a goodie-goodie. I'm not. Lauren says I'm a muppet baby mother. I'm not that either. They throw women in rivers! I laugh out my nose. I'm tired. Sleepy-tired, I mean. Emma's eyes freak me out when she's scared. Weirdish tendencies. I would like to go to sleep, but I have to maybe talk nonsense first like times. I whalallallallallallallallalalallalalallalalW!
Woo! Chaka-laka-laka-woah!

;airem" > lani forget to anounce herself and also doe continue to use the backspace, liar. Um, lots otequila, ruim, musdlide and white russian. And a black russlean shot. But sewears tat is all. Fucking do her m an. That tooks lots of scissors. I mean concentraction. Is hard.bkta abd betty nexst tlife this sex lani say s she likes says lseksx fjaock. Crap that make not sex. Sense! Bob and betty josh say. Fucking do her man. Do her berfore she do me. I forget. Lani say: I don't love sex@ carmically sex is quite cool. I'm SURE that 's not what he said. I fuorget anhd that's much funnier. Oh heard dra DEAR@ sdor hard.

Cwarp.

I just ploke myself in the eye type what! Palnets of the foliage forwong if the tv. Look this is great. Variety not growing. Eee.v alqai say: drinks may ke the gthroat go whishAa! JOSHSAY at this poitn but I don't think that is pertinenbt. Maybe scissors. Whatev.

JOSH! > my hand's all waet with moron and my GOD THAT THROAT IS SOOO DISGUSGTING. Uncle moira on Zelda Orirai Ullriaaa no no Ulrira - being an unvle on Zelda. And all yours! I've gottne a new . Eveything I do is socially acceptable and my owwowowowowo ice is mine. And I'm out of alcohol and what's next. Mtrs. Laniham, Im out of alcohol, what's next. It's been awhile - half a shot half a shot half a shot half a shot half a shot half a shot half a shot. You transcribe it's your turn and looook at how much I've plurlal ., everything is plural when Lani's drunk and damnnnn, it sounds REATARDED and look a th no, seriously, as if I were a retard and I don't care hjw fuckig offenxive hthat is! My back, my back and yes, to BEv's house an dwe swill still be drunk. Half a shot. And that's a lot of a monkey CHEERS! Seven 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 y9u need chaser? 123. No no no I dumped it out. No no. YUopu understand what I'm saying. Water is good. Waters be goodtaste. Everyintig is plural when drunk. Aok. 7 again? 1234567 ho! Uofjaoirjo;sdajfkl;dsajkfl;dsajklf;djsakl;f. What a hell of ashot. Gadamn water.

It's Lani again, yo. They're not talking and I can't transcribe. "She's also in something morris phosbinder films"_that's Lauren who said that. Sauerkraut! I'd like some sauerkraut, but only when my stomach returns to normal consciousness. Ka-PEW! Josh's drink is ew-gross. Taste good to me! Says Lauren. I don't say these such things. Pillow turkey? I can't wait until Thanksgiving, though I do not eat animals. "I'll be the other, amking him sound weird if you be mole of tongue?" "I love the moles with the star snout" "She bit the big pillow!" Ew, you just licked me. I'm transcribing all these things. I'm a mere spectator. A tator! I'd like a potato. Lani! They scream at me. They want me. All the times to lick. But not really. Just the scissors with the monkey spoons. I spelled potato with an e! Don't tell. Shh. Lauren says "Don't try to be smarter than you are; they'll find out!" I used a semicolosn. Fraqing rock all the ways until Monday next. Someone else!

Lauren: lani say I hdd to wal k uop the times and downt eh ways!Q emma t say :uhhh! Go away! Lani make fu.n. I csll police.

Still lauren:/ mem chosed. Meme chose. Whatev. Fassbinder duh. Suerbrkaty does dound good but lani still CHDESATA witht the backspece bhitch!!!! Fuck. Word doesn't think fuck is not a word emma be killing kenneth sad. Snt s star snout mos@! moles@ anlkelet! Whathave I done? Wheee melodrams a s with beatuiful people I'd rather be. Meme hchose. Bourge bouge bourgbhe. Less work for frankeie! Josh says I should smakck hin around c ause less work for frankie@! Antigques.

It' josh tunr.n . we see.

I knw.

Bumping igles.

Josh > My ovaries are fucktards. And I eat babies. But not in the real senxe of eating babies no. Flabby grossness. Fucktard. Aoh, oh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This I yrour arma nd this is yoru sleeve. Oh, alcohol, would yo uplease forgive me I wcannto be myself. Oh, Desitin, you please my diaper rash greatly me either and we didn't have to do half shot turtles on a half shell ducky saidnop nope oe nope nope I had the puuppett from Pizza the hut from Taco Bell and Pepsi and Met oo.

La la alcohol would yhou please forgivce me and every time I wipe moisturizer snot under the mantel. Instead, when it hardens, I put it under the mantle for someone else to discover and Don't Feel under the mantle I WARN YOU! I'm putting th hair back. OHHHHHHHH!! Gutteral. It's so gutteral
Ohofhads;Ohfdkl;sahjlkf;dsahjklf;dsahklf;sdahk;lfalcohol. Would you p.ease frogive me. All you ssomething else. I'm anight in sharming armour

Lani> sup get get up getwh Hey! It's me! Exclamation point! I don't want to write anymore. *burp* Lani! Bring it over here times! Josh says poop a lot. Poop! Poop! Poot! I added that last one. I like your toes. I want to touch it. Bring it around town and I'll touch it. And I would choose to cheese another about an anvil! Tuesday anvilnoon! Byut yet, on this paper it says "Thursday afternoon!" with music. Ah, grunitily guttergroan after gonad. That last part was Josh. People on this floor must hate us. And do something after me. I'm so sleepy! Hey, that girl says that on tv!

Lauren> hight feet! Lani's carrying my 90% on her feet. Josh think I not have any more but I say I am the great pretender. Why do we never find the awnsers when welr'e nokning at the doro? With a hosand wmillion questions about hate and dath and war? Damhn. They be makng up french words. Uh. That so craz ty vfor josh sex=sense just like me hthough we totally opposite bout sex. Want another shot but no one take with me. Lani likes tospeak french with her moth. Not mk not moth. Mouth. Hehehe. Funy eith erway. Wayev. Aaaandy garcian. Aaaantiques. Lalala cgiv e me a cigarett. E I galt kout of m y throat. Lani sol voluntarion. Volungtario. Dysher scissors! I love, and you knot know. What, fuck you. ;snood. That's been a long times. Josh stilltalk like thraot tjr throat andy garcdia. Dead again so be my #21 favorite movie. I sober up and no one take shot wich me. You rented a deer? I'm looking for someone to change my life understandable! Undertgangagle! Enter haremondy. Harmony. So defenisible. What with anvil. Oh shit my hand head hit an anvil. Lani what the fuck you sleep on anvil. Tto fast to tara
nscribe. Stoo bad for you-ooooou!

Five puckin g phsases! This is not the house that love built. Dar williams said. Josh said I. whateve. Don't slep in our hose. Too much , owait , not inenough, richard gere. H dear, he ototally gay. Mmmhmm. Righ. I have problemeos.

Ojosh thinks ths I s enough. Think?

Evenry time I say "im really not that sober" I mean drunk. Obv iously because I spell that pwhole sentence right.