Here's an entry that will probably be of no interest to anyone but myself. But it seems I've just had a bit of a revelatory moment.

I've garnered some much-needed motivation to work on one of my papers; it may be fleeting, but I'll get all I can out of it. I'm writing my paper on Judith Butler. Who essentially believes what has always made sense to me — that instead of reinforcing the binary system of masculinity/femininity, we ought to look at gender as an individual, performative, unstable concept that can entirely break down masculine/feminine norms.

So far so good. It was nice enough, earlier this semester, to finally read the theorist who can back me up. I don't think most of the professors I've had are too keen on Butler. My feminist theory professor, in particular, very vocally opposes all she stands for. So I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to rationalize my affinity with Butler to this professor; I know I don't need to convince her, but I do need to address her questions about Butler's logic. Well I still don't know exactly how to do that.

But the big revelation is... perhaps I'm not, exactly, a [wannabe] feminist theorist. All of a sudden it's pretty obvious, I'm actually a queer theorist.

Queer is by definition whatever is at odds with the normal, the legitimate, the dominant. There is nothing in particular to which it necessarily refers. It is an identity without an essence.

-David Halperin

Yeah. That's exactly what I believe. This could monumentally reshape my entire way of thinking. I mean, it is what I have thought for quite some time, and I of course still identify as feminist, but this is an important realignment. I don't believe in the great sisterhood. I believe in massive, widespread queering of identity.

Blown away and enthusiastic, am I.

And seeing as my tendency as a diarist is to flip-flop between musings such as the above and the utterly ridiculously pointless and stupid, I just feel the need to say:

Oh my dear lord, could that man be any more attractive.

Yes, I am in the throes of another ridiculous celebrity crush... I'm going to act like a 13-year-old girl for the rest of my life.

Point to ponder, though: have I ever been attracted to a man under the age of 40? Can't think of one. Even when I was younger, I preferred Michael Keaton and Sam Neill to Jonathan Taylor Thomas (oh JTT and the middle school Bop! memories!). When I watched The Client, you bet I was looking at Tommy Lee Jones (or, more truthfully, Susan Sarandon) and not little Brad Renfro. Depending on how old Cary Grant was when he filmed Holiday, I can't think of anyone. Luke Wilson, maybe. I'm so strange.