Rereading the last two, I sound like such a whiner. Really, I don't feel that way, and obviously I don't want to sound that way. I want my diary to be above all else something honest. I'm just trying to say I've been having a crappy few days.

Then the fear of sounding ungrateful comes in. I had the chance to spend five months in Europe — how dare I complain. Two things there. I have had a marvellous time and I've learned a lot. And I wouldn't complain if I were travelling Europe. But by now it's like this:

Would I rather be alone and bored in Utrecht or with my friends and family back in CF? Europe is more special than Ohio. But I've done and seen everything in this town five times. I'm down to €100. I can't go anywhere. I'm just a student alone in a random city. As always happens at this point in the semester, everything academic seems hateful to me. Here I have nowhere to run away to and no one to run away with for a few hours.

I'm just ready to be home. I'm not whining. I'm just tired. Bored. And a little lonely. I'm doing what I need to, I'm fulfilling my obligations, I'm not blowing everything off though I desperately want to. But I still feel the way I feel.

Anyway add to all the blah regular crap, I'm doing my final presentation for Women's Representations of Eros & Pathos on pro-ana sites and teen body image, so my day has been kind of doubly crappy and depressing. But at least I'm doing my work. I suppose.