I got myself kind of worked up yesterday. I suppose I feel the same today, I suppose I will continue to feel this way for the next three weeks, but yesterday after I posted that entry I got all flingy.

Immediately after posting the entry, I made a resolute decision to do something to cheer myself up. Sadly, about the only sure-fire thing I've got these days is watching Harry Potter. So without even giving myself a chance to waffle over it, I shut down all my windows and got the hell out of this computer lab, which is sucking out my soul like a gradual Dementor's Kiss.

On the way to the theater a policeman yelled at me for crossing the street without a walk signal. I don't know why people in positions of authority have to be such assholes. "Is there something wrong with your eyes?" Really. Do not understand why this is necessary.

Obviously believe he is an idiot and do not really care (and will continue to cross the street whenever the hell I feel like it), but it brought everything I've been holding back to the surface and I nearly started crying. I did get a grip on myself, but nothing would have felt better than a good, long cry at that moment.

Then the woman at the box office apparently couldn't make out "Harry Potter" in my American accent, forcing me to repeat myself three times and finally asking "Harry Potter?" in her Dutch accent, which really doesn't make it sound all that different. Anyway it's just these little things I'm allowing to get to me. Flingy, like I said.

So flingy that the preview for The Polar Express nearly made me bawl my eyes out. I really am losing it.

Anyway, €7,50 was worth two+ hours of suspended selfhood and a rush of magical goodness. I find I don't give a damn that it's no cinematic masterpiece, that it's nothing compared to Rowling. It makes me happy. It's one of the few things here that can do that. And I'll see it as many times as I need to just to feel anything positive at all.

I'm writing this at 9am, and my mornings always start out fine (only fine). I am at least no longer so flingy. Received an email from Lani which completely made me feel not alone and not pathological. Just three weeks and I'll be on my way home and then, as she beautifully put it, my brain and heart will be able to breathe again.

Three weeks. I don't really have such a chore ahead of me. I have, however, lost all motivation. I am considering skipping all the rest of my classes (four left). Classes break up the day nicely, yet they require more effort in preparation and participation than I feel up to giving. Skipping them might bring down my grades, but my papers will do nothing but rock, and if that evens out to two C's, well I've already got two A's in the bag, so if you average all that out to a 3.0 on the semester that's a pretty decent study abroad GPA, don't you think?

I'm excusing too much. I will probably go to class today.

In any case. Blah.