I really wish I didn't have the ability to put off papers until the day they are due, then write at a pace of fifteen minutes per page and have it not sound like utter crap, and feel like I still have ridiculous amounts of time I can waste.

But I do.

So every paragraph I write, I will allow myself to fill out a bit of this survey. Because procrastination pays, my friends, right up until the bitter end.

1: grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. write down what it says: "follow, I should think any from our wealthy naval com-" from Jane Austen's Persuasion.

2: stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first?: um, as far as I can, the windowsill in the computer lab. But what I would touch first is my notes for this badass paper I'm writing.

3: what is the last thing you watched on tv?: god, it's been since I left home — probably the news. If you count videos we watched Chocolat last week in Eros & Pathos — completely unrelated to the Johnny Depp movie.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 9:50 <-- creepy, because that's the answer last survey-taker left, and it's what I was going to guess, and it's the time it actually is. But I think I only knew that because I unconsciously glanced a moment before. Still it's weird that the last guy had the same.

5: now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 9:51 because I went on so long about it, but it was 9:50.

6: with the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: Dutch people whispering, keyboard and printer noises.

7: when did you last step outside? what were you doing?: about an hour ago, walking to this computer lab.

9: what are you wearing?: socks, jeans and a hoodie that haven't been washed in I'm afraid to know how long, and my last clean top.

10: did you dream last night?: I'm sure I did, but once again I can't remember a thing.

11: When did you last laugh? This morning in the shower, I grabbed my towel and bits of rice cake fell all over the floor. I am disgusting.

12: what is on the walls of the room you are in?: Some rules in Dutch, example: ETEN, DRINKEN, BELLEN EN HARDOP PRATEN DOE JE IN DE KANTINE EN NIET HIER!!!!!, a dry erase board that's I don't think ever been used.

13: seen anything weird lately?: Yeah, the crazy things Dutch people can do while riding bicycles, like carrying massive sheets of cardboard, guiding a second bike beside them, and piling as many as three children on with them.

14: what do you think of this quiz?: It's pretty good so far! And a wonderful procrastination tool. I'll go till 10:00 am, but I've already got 3 pages.

15: what is the last film you saw?: Chocolat. In theater, The Hours again.

16: if you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: First, probably a cd or something, the big purchases are going to take some thinking.

17: tell me something about you that i don't know: I don't think you know anything about me, but, um, my high score on Nokia snake is 1500-something.

18: if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: Barter system! Woo!

19: do you like to dance?: Nononoono. Sometimes. Please don't look at me.

20: george bush: is a homo! Seriously, click the link, it's hilarious, and I don't want to look so offensive for long.

21: imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: Christine, if I had one.

21: imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: Colin or Robert, if I had one.

22: would you ever consider living abroad?: I'm living abroad right now! I'd do it again in a heartbeat, if I had someone to live with.

series one - yourself

-- name: lauren

-- birthdate: 10/30/82

-- birthplace: akron, oh

-- current location: utrecht, netherlands

-- eye color: blue/grey

-- hair color: red

-- righty or lefty: lefty!

-- zodiac sign: scorpio

-- innie or outtie: innie.

series two - describe:

-- your heritage: Irish, Scottish & English as far as I know, but I know very little about my heritage.

-- the shoes you wore today: White Avia running shoes I never use for that purpose with silver and blue accents.

-- your hair: shoulder-length, curly, messy and bad-looking because I'm out of gel.

-- your weakness: procrastination and laziness.

-- your fears: what happens after next year, generally.

-- your perfect pizza: pineapple only.

-- one thing you'd like to achieve: a feminist standpoint. HA, that's so not true, I'm taking the postmodernists' side, I've just got all this crap stuck in my head: "A feminist standpoint is achieved." I kick myself for not spending longer on my papers, but I definitely know all my stuff.

series three - what is:

-- your most overused phrase on aolaim: hum, probably hahahahaha

-- your thoughts first waking up: must.. find... snooze bar..

-- the first feature you notice in the opposite sex: I have always railed against this question; please refer to surveys from 1999.

-- the best name for a butler: hobbes

-- your best physical features: hmm, my hair when it behaves.

-- your greatest fear: yeah um, you asked that. I can tell you I have no fear of not finishing this paper, or getting a bad grade on it, because I do not care...

-- your greatest accomplishment: I don't think I've accomplished anything extraordinary, although I'm proud of the way I've handled myself here.

-- your most missed memory: The summer Dad won season passes and we went to Geauga Lake and Sea World almost every night. It was probably twice a week, but I remember it as every night.

series four - do you prefer:

-- pepsi or coke: COKE! except as I've said it's disgusting in the Netherlands. I like cherry Coke the best. Coke needs to make lemon not in diet. And the lime diet is soooo manna gross.

-- single or group dates: Dating is for losers. Group period.

-- adidas or nike: Um, I don't care.

-- lipton ice tea or nestea: Somehow I am having difficulty distinguishing my associations of one from the other. I think Lipton makes the good raspberry ones I get at school. I am very uncertain.

-- cappacino or coffee: Cappucino. I'm trying to work my way up to liking coffee. I don't know why, but this seems important to me.

-- boxers or briefs: boxers. They seem to disguise the existence of the penis better. Shudder. Penis.

series five - do you:

-- smoke: Never, and since my mom quit I'm around smokers so rarely that it really makes it hard for me to breathe now.

-- cuss: more than most people I associate with, but probably less than average. I'm not stingy with 'fuck.' In fact, weird, I probably say it more than any others. Except goddamn.

-- sing well: along to certain artists who stay within my 5-note range; generally, not at ALL.

-- take a shower everyday: No. Probably four out of five days.

-- do you think you've been in love: There's all sorts of love, and I have, yes, loved people who are not my family; but in the sense you mean it, no I have never been in love.

-- want to get married: never.

-- type with your fingers on the right keys: yep. I can even do the numbers accurately now, woo!

-- believe in yourself: Yes. I think I can do pretty much anything I want to. But then, I am freakishly unambitious.

-- get motion sickness: I never have.

-- think you're attractive: 40% of the time. A small percentage of the time I'm disturbingly neurotic about my appearance. Most of the time I don't give a shit either way.

-- think you're a health freak: No, I'm definitely not, though I can see myself becoming one. I eat pretty healthy, and when I force myself to I could eat like a health freak; I like "bad" foods less and less. But I don't exercise at all. Thinking about it, I really do think I'll be a health freak in 10 years. This is a strange prediction.

-- get along with parents: Yes, better than most anyone.

-- play an instrument: Used to play clarinet and miss it. Owned a guitar for a few months and miss it.

series six - in the past month, did/have you:

-- drank alcohol: Yes. Last time was two or three nights ago, they had readymade vodka & lime thing in a reasonable-size bottle for €3, I couldn't not.

-- smoked: no. never.

-- done a drug: nope.

-- had sex: no. never.

-- go on a date: No.

-- go to the mall: yep, the biggest mall in the Netherlands is in Utrecht. It's not really that big.

-- eaten an entire box of oreos: Why has this question been on every survey I've ever done since I was 14? Who DOES this?

-- eaten sushi: no.

-- been on stage: I don't know why I gave this a bit of thought. No.

-- gone skating: no, but that sounds fun!

-- made homemade cookies: no. I can't make anything but ramen here.

-- been skinny dipping: no.

-- dyed your hair: no, I want to.

-- stolen anything: No - I don't think so.