ooh, look, it's groundhog's day! yay for no more winter. and it's also technically tomorrow - and as promised, i'm doin' the manic thing again...

...not least of all because i made a new four-year schedule.

and i'm not going to bore you with the details but i realized i was very close to a history minor. so it's poli sci/environmental studies/history now, with enough spanish classes to hopefully become fluent, thereby appeasing beloved perruci. *wonders if that makes up for dropping leadership...*

and i've been acting like a total dork all night, singing oldies and running around like a fool with lauren. we went on a little nancy drew adventure... right. no.

and then i read lani's diary entry, and i think i crossed that line between being artificially happy because you want to be happy and actually being happy because.. you are. so i realized (again - i realize and forget this all the time, i hope you all can forgive me!) how many great friends i have. people who really care, and are really there for me. i love you all so much!!

i left an away message up earlier that read something like this:
cleaning, laundry, what an exciting way to spend a friday night...
i'm waiting by the phone, waiting for you to call me up and tell me i'm not alone. 'cause i wan't somebody to shove. i need somebody to shove. i want somebody to shove me...

i came back to find two messages, one from ryan fay who wrote 'i lob ya!' in ye olde gangspeak, and kerri, an older and wiser ra, who wrote 'you sound kinda depressed.' i don't know if it's clear that i use song quotes in all my away messages, and that that one was a more extreme interpretation of my actual mood, but their concern was heartening.

and, perhaps best of all, i found mistilynn online tonight! or, rather, her screenname, for it turned out that it was actually only a friend borrowing her laptop for the weekend. i asked her if she knew why we hadn't heard from misti all this time, and she said we shouldn't have been worried - 'you know misti' - and that her phone had been disconnected. this comes as quite a relief!! and i feel really bad for jumping to conclusions. this still doesn't explain why she hasn't been on her laptop, but i'm definitely inclined to believe this time. besides, i do know misti, and i know her as possibly the most absent-minded person i have ever met. the idea that she just never thought to check in with everyone back home, while a little odd, is not completely out of the realm of possibility.

anyway, mistilynn, i'm so glad to hear everything's okay. you had better get back online soon, though!! we all miss ya like crazy. hope you're having a good time in houston with the boy! love ya :)

ryan fay has a quote in her away message: "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." that is so true - as i'm re-realizing for the millionth time tonight. and in the end, what else really matters?

i'm going to take a page from lani's very wise book here. i'm a college freshman, and it's really not the end of the world that i don't know exactly what i want to do with my life. i'm possessed by this idea that i must do something that matters, but whatever it is, it will come to me in time. my life is good right now. i still have a strong bond with the gang back home, and i'm beginning to form strong bonds with my new friends here. my family is great and so supportive, and at the end of the semester i'll have a new sister and a new niece or nephew to welcome. i have everything going for me at school, if i'd just get my slacker ass moving. things are good. and all i need to concern myself with right now is being there for everyone i love, and enjoying their company. simple, huh?

josh and i are discussing yummy alan rickman, even as i type. i wonder if this is the time he will let me into his confidence? you can tell me - i can be there for everyone i love, see? well, when you're ready then. :)

well, i should get some sleep for my big walmart adventure in the morning! to everyone i love and who has been there for me over the years: anything you ever need, i'm there :) and, knowing that only a very small fraction of those people will ever read this, i hope you will feel my promise even if you never read it.

love you all. :)

love! love! what more is there?
dave matthews band