i am not a normal person. it's official now.

normal people cry over heartbreak, death - hell, even spilled milk.

i, on the other hand, cry over the fafsa.

i was trying to figure out my taxes tonight so that i might submit the fafsa on time (this has come as a surprise to everyone else i've told, so just a heads up: it's due march 1). i don't know why exactly, but this all seemed so much easier working on it with my mother at borders last year. must everything be so much more complicated on my own?

i only had to figure out one line on the 1040 to fill out the fafsa, but to figure out that line you had to add two other lines together, and each of those came from adding or subtracting two other lines. and when you finally trace back to an actual question, it is just simply 'tax.' it doesn't explain just what sort of tax this is, but the fafsa is very clear that it's not just what you get off the w2. all this on top of the fact that my computer wasn't opening the adobe acrobat files for the instructions and forms very well amounted to one very frustrated, and eventually one very hysterical girl.

i called my mom, not really sure how she could help over the phone, and just started bawling. i felt like such a jackass - who cries over something like this? she calmed me down at least. i love my mommy, she is so great to me. then i attacked it again, calmer, and figured it out... or, at least, i produced a number. which is good enough for me - i just want it done.

everyone else is talking about their academic woes tonight... guys, i totally feel ya. i don't know what it is, but i'm seriously dragging. i meant to spend the weekend playing catch-up, but i didn't start studying until about 7 pm tonight. and even then, i wasn't really studying... i skimmed through leadership and poli sci, even though i have an exam in the latter tomorrow morning. not feeling intellectually stimulated by these classes isn't a really good reason. but the truth is, as little work as i'm doing, i'm more than just getting by. i have a's in all my classes in spite of all this procrastination. i'm not at all worried about my exam tomorrow. until i really fuck myself over i'm never going to learn. but i really do hate myself for it...

quick random thoughts: i've realized i am a romantic atheist... sale and pelletier got their gold medals tonight; they did a piece on their greatnesses, torvill and dean. maybe i will get out of this academic funk when the olympics are over... i don't really care about it, but it's a good pretense for not doing work. ugh...

daddy i've got nothing left.. my life is good, my love's a mess..