there's something inherently sick and wrong about a college student being up before 7am. but such are the joys of 8am classes.

i start off my m/w/f with economics now. that's one of my minors and all, but not the most interesting subject to make me want to jump out of my bed excited to start the day. but, studious as i am, i faked it and against my better judgment put my shower shoes on and grabbed a towel.

there's only one other person on my floor crazy enough to be up at 7 am. that's kelly. but the really crazy thing about kelly is, she's been up since four o'clock. she has an 8:30 class, and at 7:00 she's at the stage where she's putting on the finishing touches of her impeccably made up face. (whether you look at it as 3 hours after starting or an hour and a half before finishing, that just seems like a ludicrous amount of time.) the girl does beauty pageants, okay. but that's sick! girl, you're a college student. don't put that much effort into how you look! people should be happy that you even bothered to shower.

the worst part about being up so early is the shower. if you're the first one in a particular stall, and the odds put me in that position, it takes 10 minutes for the water to heat up. so you just sort of stand there, naked, arms crossed, and wait. it's weird. but once you're in, you never want to get out.

then i find i'm out of the shower by 7:05, which leaves me (listen to this kelly) way too much time to get ready. i realize i could get away with waking up more like 7:20, and i am happy.

you don't know, a person like me, i could sell your songs to nike

do you know how hard it is for a person like me not to run around screaming joyously at the top of my lungs that i got a 100% on that beast of a leadership final? i know better, because just the few people sitting around me who saw it over my shoulder hate me enough already. but... damn.

altogether, i really like all my classes this semester. i feel woefully inadequate in economics because i couldn't remember how to graph a simple algebra equation. yeah, it's been since sophomore year hs that i had a math class. but i had econ last year and did really well with it, and i genuinely like it, so i guess i'll be okay.

i have another poli sci course with del@at, my future advisor. now i'm one of her 'former victims,' which is actually a good thing, 'cause i'm one of the go-to people in the presence of her new students. it's like we're old friends now - i know everything about her family; she asks me about my break. which is why i love small private colleges, and her.

leadership again with perruci. i got 100% on the final. aaaaaaaahahahaha.... yeah.

i keep saying i enjoy all my classes, but that's invariably forgetting my 3-hour stats class monday nights. as if i could concentrate on math for three hours in the best of circumstances, i have to get the biggest dud for a professor. it takes him 20 minutes to get out a sentence, so i end up taking notes from the book during class, not him. which, i guess, is just as well. at least it's only once a week.

all that never happens and all that will never be

i have this trouble saying no to people. but when i don't say no, that doesn't mean i go ahead and do what i didn't decline. i let it go till the last minute, and find some irrational way out, never once showing any signs of the truth. i do this a lot.

tonight my admissions counselor from hiram called me. i seriously thought about transferring for about a week earlier this year (see last entry on crazy major life decisions), but i've long since decided i'd stay at marietta. he let me know that my online application was nearly completed and he could go ahead and submit it for me. he told me everything i needed to do. he told me once everything was in they could give me a decision in four weeks. 'uh huh,' 'okay,' and 'that sounds great' were all i said.

of course we're way ahead of the transfer application deadline, he told me - i have plenty of time. and i believe him. i will take that time. and sometime in the beginning of june i will say an awkward no to hiram again.

well, whatever.

(that's so 'old me' to say. but i have until june to make progress on this one; maybe give him a rational last-minute decision ;)

because that's progress i don't care about the problems waiting there. i've got a lifetime waiting to share. 'cause once in a while i lose control and gain my soul. i think i'm willing. it's obvious and nebulous and dangerous, but i think i'm willing to see whatever will be.
Matt Keating