josh came over today and we worked on his diary. i showed him the graphics program i use so he could design it pretty much himself so it was just how he wanted, and i think it suits him. then he got to witness the haphazard trial-and-error method i use to code sites. eventually we worked out all the bugs and you can see the final product at memnoch-thed! hope ya like it, josh! :)

we went to gilman next and got out in record time, motivated by the whirligig concert, which we knew would fill up if we didn't get there early. we were the first people there anyway, because we didn't realize no one was allowed in yet. oh well! we got primo seats out of it :) cheryl, lani, shawn and jessica soon joined us. whirligig is a celtic group, and the music was nothing short of incredible. listening to them, and especially the one dude wailing away on his clarinet, a sad, regretful feeling invaded the happiness that sort of music naturally creates... i feel like i've lost something. playing music used to be my whole life; pisani told me i could do it professionally. i just let all that go. and i know i don't really want it to be that big a part of my life again - but i want to want it. if that makes any sense. in any case, they were awesome.

josh and cheryl went down to buy a cd while the rest of us stayed up in the balcony long after everyone else left... nearly an hour after, in fact. we have a habit of malingering* don't we? we determined that lani is a heathen slut, no one likes jessica, and i'm going to bear shawn's baby (with lani's egg, of course!). we were waiting for that long-haired jokester in the band to make some sort of smart little comment at us, and refused to leave till he did, because that's his job. that's what he does, come on! but he did not oblige us. finally we left anyway, hurt and scorned. on the way out the guy passed right by us, looked at us, saw us acting like jackasses, and still could not find it in him to comment. he's all show.

* malingering - i think my family coined this term; i don't think it's a real word. the women in my family have this same nasty habit, taking an hour to say goodbye past the point the men are ready to leave. so, malingering. yeah.

i am possessed with the idea of one person single-handedly turning around every cynical thought in your head.

becky's sending me all these love quotes. this one, she said was my very theory on life:

When I first met you I was afraid to like you, now that I like you I'm afraid to love you, now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you.

and, you know, it sort of is.

so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose; clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
Sarah McLachlan