i've had this 'epiphany,' that i'm an adult now. i put that in quotes not because it's not a legitimate epiphany, because it is, but because i keep having the same epiphany over and over and it surprises me every time.

(maybe i just like the sound of the word.. epiphany.)

i've got a job with real responsibilities (the nature of which i don't wish to discuss at this time..), my brother is coming to me for advice on his high school schedule... it's just kinda weird. and it's usually kind of a grumblegrumble thought, but right now, i guess it's kinda neat.

the thing is, though, that i am a boring adult! you're technically an adult at 18, of course, but i wouldn't call much of the college population an actual adult. in the face of them, i am... i don't drink, i don't have promiscuous sex (truth be told i don't have much of anything at all, but that's an entirely other story), i don't like to 'party' (that in quotes because, as dhs would attest, it's not actually a verb)...

not that i care to but it's clear to me that i don't fit in here. i mean, it was by choice that i left my floor just twice all weekend, hanging out and reading about 1000 pages of harry potter instead of going to a frat party with my roommate. i know i'm boring but i'm content to be - i feel no real need to get out there and experiment. i'm content to be naive. i don't think this is even a defense mechanism of mine; really, i don't want to do that stuff. but i've never really sought to be a misfit..

the continuing story of bungalow bill

it was just really weird how i stumbled across a whole group of fellow mc freshmen's diaries last night, and today i passed all of them (minus the boy in question) on the way to dinner. felt kinda dirty - i read your diary and you don't know about it. it's dumb 'cause i read dozens of strangers' diaries when i have nothing better to do, and it's meaningless. but find friend/acquaintances diaries and it's..wrong? i want to send them all a note and say i found them, and here's my diary, and add them to my profile page and all that, but somehow i feel it is just inappropriate.

and as to the boy in question, i am going to get all judgmental on him after all. not about the gay thing of course, but - hey, HEY, weren't you all against the whole drinking thing at the beginning of the year? not only did you not drink yourself, but you lectured other people about it! and now you write about drinking as if it was nothing, and having drunk sex. tsk tsk. i heartily disapprove. :)

really, i'm just sad that another of my number bit the dust. i never thought i'd meet another person who didn't drink and have sex all over the place, and didn't abstain from that just on religious grounds. you were it, and i lost that illusion.

but i'm kidding.. i can't be judgmental when it's me who's the oddball. go forth, do your thing. i'm just gonna stay here and be twelve for the rest of my life. :)

love to all.

a crazy sound, a lonely song, a cry that tells us love goes on and on...